Boating advice if you’re ever in Fiji

If you’re on a big boat in the middle of the ocean in Fiji, and a little boat pulls along side it, and you’re being told you need to get in the little boat to get back to the main island faster in order to catch your plane, but the people in the little boat are in a REAL BIG HURRY to get the hell off the little boat and onto your big boat, you should take that as a giant, blinking, neon sign from the universe saying “Don’t get on the little boat, you idiot.”

If you’re so stupid as to get into the little boat, it’ll be just you, your travelling companion John, and two Fijians. True, the little boat is faster. But each time the little boat hits a wave, it lifts up in the air a few feet and then crashes down into the ocean with a thud. Causing you to fear you just might fly out of the little boat into the giant ocean.

Did I mention, probably no life vests?

You could scramble up to the front of the boat (hull?), which is enclosed. At least you can’t fly out of the boat up here. But due to the laws of physics, the wave action is amplified. You’re going to spring several inches off the bench each time you hit a wave and then slam back down onto the wooden bench. Gosh, I hope you don’t break something.  And the waves are getting bigger, cause, oh, there’s a big storm now.

Oh, and then you will run out of gas. Sorry, I forgot to mention that part. No gas. That was a big oversight on my part, to forget the whole “no more gas” thing.

You run out of gas, and sit in the ocean bobbing, while it’s storming like crazy, and wonder what sort of plan the Fijians might have to solve this situation. I mean, there’s probably not a radio, right? Otherwise they would be talking on it, most likely.

You take a few Dramamine, for obvious reasons.

There is a back-up plan, though. Another boat sails by, and your captain flags down the other boat and asks the occupants for some gas. See, what were you worried about? The Fijians start the engine back up, the storm dies down, and you make it back to shore.

These are some things to consider, when looking down from the big boat at the little boat, and the passengers frantically climbing up the ladder toward you.

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